[Yuri inhales sharply at that, shocked by the admission. There's that sudden rush of relief—it did mean something—but before he can let himself feel much else, it's tempered by stark disappointment.
It's an issue. Right. Of course it is. This, at least, feels logical in the face of all the recent unmooring, even if he can't articulate to himself why. He doesn't realize it, but he's tensed up instinctively, as though preparing for a blow.]
Which part of it is an issue?
[Is he afraid that Yuri's going to expect something? Push?]
What meant something to me- I never asked if you felt the same. I made a choice for you, instead of making it with you. It's the very thing I wanted to avoid. I have reasons for what I did, but none are an excuse for my actions.
[Sometimes he would think they'd be on the same page, but then either nothing came of it, and Yuri didn't say anything, or maybe he'd pull back entirely, or maybe Flynn pulled back too soon, or-]
[He's discovering he really, really hates talking about this, especially when Flynn stops. Yuri crosses his arms, focused on a building off in the distance.]
...No. Not ignoring.
[Ignoring isn't the right word, but he can't think of a better way to explain it.]
I didn't think there was anything to talk about.
[And he knows how much Flynn is going to hate that statement, but it's true. It felt like a situation that was already decided, somehow.]
[Because it better not be for the reason he thinks it is. The benefit of being a childhood friend means he has a resistance to this clear discomfort from Yuri.]
[He's not going to let this go, and maybe that's fair, but it's still nerve-wracking. He still has no idea how Flynn feels about any of this, not really, and so it takes a Herculean effort not to deflect or tell him to drop it.
Honesty, right?
He's always been the type to tell people what he thinks rather than how he feels, and so finding the words for this is much harder than he's used to.]
For a while I wasn't ready, and there was never a good time for it even if I'd wanted to. And then...
[Yuri scrubs a hand over his face, sighing.]
I thought I knew how you felt. It was one-sided, and that was fine. Why make you uncomfortable by pushing it?
[That's a fair enough answer that Flynn accepts it (even if it isn't the whole truth, he doesn't know for certain.) He exhales a quiet little sigh, getting his own thoughts together.]
I see.
[Yuri wanted to spare him the discomfort. Something he can't fault Yuri for, not when it's about something like this.]
I should have spoken up earlier. It would have spared us both the distress.
[Yuri's quiet for a moment, mouth twisting. So much for sparing them distress. If only Yuri weren't so terrible at this. But finally, he spits it out:]
[Which maybe he's been avoiding for his own reasons. Like the fact saying them is just as difficult. He'd rather actions over words, but... you know. Words have their uses. But maybe if he... pairs it with an action, it'll be easier to convey.]
[Why's he yelling?? Not even he knows. It's just- if this moment didn't have the right energy to it, he might not be able to do this at all.
So he also grabs Yuri's hands, both of them clasped between Flynn's own in front of them. He leans in, not to kiss, but to emphasize the determination in his words.]
I have strong feelings for you- not only as friends, but of a romantic nature as well!
[Yuri tenses, shoulders hiking up as Flynn grabs his hands. It's utterly ridiculous, but there's his heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest anyway.]
Why are you yelling at me?!
[Yeah, okay, maybe he's trying to save face, because he's bright red, totally flustered, and too thrown by the directness of it to come up with a better response. Give him a second. He's processing.]
I apologize for shouting, but I want you to know I mean it. No more confusion or self-doubt.
[As much for him as it is for Yuri.]
I've spent more time than I would like to admit agonizing over what I feel, if what I was feeling was truly what it seemed. I want to be as clear as possible now. I hope...
[So Flynn wasn't sure, huh? Yuri wonders if, by trying to keep his feelings to himself, he made that worse. Maybe neither of them had any idea what they were doing. Maybe they're both idiots.
Flynn relaxes, and as the initial shock wears off, so does Yuri. It's unbelievable—dreamlike, almost, that Flynn feels the same way. He lets out a soft huff of a laugh, affection bubbling up in his chest.]
Now the whole street knows.
[He pulls a hand free, and there's only a second of hesitation before he cups Flynn's cheek, thumb brushing against his skin.]
[There's the faintest hint of a blush this time, his skin warm underneath Yuri's hand. It's true, now the whole street knows, but that's not even a concern in his mind right now.]
I'm certain I was just as difficult to deal with on this.
[He says, like a total hypocrite. Because really, all that touching Yuri's been noticing more and more the past month or so... Flynn never does that with anyone. If Yuri hadn't had such blinders on, if he'd been honest with himself, he would have understood exactly what it meant. Really, if Flynn had done it with anyone else, Yuri would have guessed at his feelings immediately. It was only because he'd convinced himself so thoroughly that Flynn couldn't feel that way for him that he didn't.
Maybe that wasn't fair. Or maybe he'll screw this whole thing up. He really, really hopes he doesn't. Again, there's that second of hesitation before he leans forward to rest their foreheads together, as though this is new ground and he's not sure what the roadmap is.
The strange thing is, it doesn't feel new. It just feels right.]
[Even if it's hypocritical coming from Yuri, it's true and Flynn knows it. There's a good amount of reasons he's never actually pursued a relationship with anyone before, despite how easily he could have wound up in one. He had received constant fanmail, been pursued before by many a suitor and suitress alike, but nothing appealed when he realized how challenging a relationship with him would really be.
Too married to the job, too stubborn, too rigid. No one interested in him for the more shallow reasons would be willing to put up with that, or truly understand him.
But then there's Yuri. It comes as easy as breathing to be around him, as long as they're on the same wavelength. Maybe it's the time away from their own world that's really solidified that realization for him. When everything else is failing or difficult, being with Yuri makes things much easier.
Their foreheads press together, and Flynn closes his eyes, just enjoying being close to each other like this.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's an issue. Right. Of course it is. This, at least, feels logical in the face of all the recent unmooring, even if he can't articulate to himself why. He doesn't realize it, but he's tensed up instinctively, as though preparing for a blow.]
Which part of it is an issue?
[Is he afraid that Yuri's going to expect something? Push?]
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[There, that's much more clear, isn't it?
Hm, maybe it's not, actually.]
What meant something to me- I never asked if you felt the same. I made a choice for you, instead of making it with you. It's the very thing I wanted to avoid. I have reasons for what I did, but none are an excuse for my actions.
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What? You're acting like you took advantage of me.
[And part of him really wants to ask what those reasons are.]
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You wanted me to?
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I wasn't thinking about it right then, considering the sword and everything...
[That's sort of a joke.]
I thought you knew.
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[Sometimes he would think they'd be on the same page, but then either nothing came of it, and Yuri didn't say anything, or maybe he'd pull back entirely, or maybe Flynn pulled back too soon, or-]
How could I have known?
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I don't know. Maybe it seemed... obvious.
[Or at least, it was obvious to everyone else, wasn't it? So how does Flynn feel?]
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You thought I knew you had feelings for me, but I was simply ignoring it, and so you never said anything? Is that correct?
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...No. Not ignoring.
[Ignoring isn't the right word, but he can't think of a better way to explain it.]
I didn't think there was anything to talk about.
[And he knows how much Flynn is going to hate that statement, but it's true. It felt like a situation that was already decided, somehow.]
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[Explain yourself further, Yuri.]
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[He says it a little helplessly, desperately uncomfortable.]
What do you want me to say?
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[Because it better not be for the reason he thinks it is. The benefit of being a childhood friend means he has a resistance to this clear discomfort from Yuri.]
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Honesty, right?
He's always been the type to tell people what he thinks rather than how he feels, and so finding the words for this is much harder than he's used to.]
For a while I wasn't ready, and there was never a good time for it even if I'd wanted to. And then...
[Yuri scrubs a hand over his face, sighing.]
I thought I knew how you felt. It was one-sided, and that was fine. Why make you uncomfortable by pushing it?
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I see.
[Yuri wanted to spare him the discomfort. Something he can't fault Yuri for, not when it's about something like this.]
I should have spoken up earlier. It would have spared us both the distress.
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...I'm still kind of in the dark here, Flynn.
[He's an idiot.]
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[He's also an idiot.]
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About your feelings.
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[The blush returns.]
Yes, I still haven't been clear on that, have I?
[Which maybe he's been avoiding for his own reasons. Like the fact saying them is just as difficult. He'd rather actions over words, but... you know. Words have their uses. But maybe if he... pairs it with an action, it'll be easier to convey.]
2/2
[Why's he yelling?? Not even he knows. It's just- if this moment didn't have the right energy to it, he might not be able to do this at all.
So he also grabs Yuri's hands, both of them clasped between Flynn's own in front of them. He leans in, not to kiss, but to emphasize the determination in his words.]
I have strong feelings for you- not only as friends, but of a romantic nature as well!
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Why are you yelling at me?!
[Yeah, okay, maybe he's trying to save face, because he's bright red, totally flustered, and too thrown by the directness of it to come up with a better response. Give him a second. He's processing.]
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[As much for him as it is for Yuri.]
I've spent more time than I would like to admit agonizing over what I feel, if what I was feeling was truly what it seemed. I want to be as clear as possible now. I hope...
[He relaxes a little now.]
I hope this sheds some light on things.
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Flynn relaxes, and as the initial shock wears off, so does Yuri. It's unbelievable—dreamlike, almost, that Flynn feels the same way. He lets out a soft huff of a laugh, affection bubbling up in his chest.]
Now the whole street knows.
[He pulls a hand free, and there's only a second of hesitation before he cups Flynn's cheek, thumb brushing against his skin.]
Sorry. I didn't make it easy on you, did I?
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I'm certain I was just as difficult to deal with on this.
[He leans a little into Yuri's hand.]
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[He says, like a total hypocrite. Because really, all that touching Yuri's been noticing more and more the past month or so... Flynn never does that with anyone. If Yuri hadn't had such blinders on, if he'd been honest with himself, he would have understood exactly what it meant. Really, if Flynn had done it with anyone else, Yuri would have guessed at his feelings immediately. It was only because he'd convinced himself so thoroughly that Flynn couldn't feel that way for him that he didn't.
Maybe that wasn't fair. Or maybe he'll screw this whole thing up. He really, really hopes he doesn't. Again, there's that second of hesitation before he leans forward to rest their foreheads together, as though this is new ground and he's not sure what the roadmap is.
The strange thing is, it doesn't feel new. It just feels right.]
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[Even if it's hypocritical coming from Yuri, it's true and Flynn knows it. There's a good amount of reasons he's never actually pursued a relationship with anyone before, despite how easily he could have wound up in one. He had received constant fanmail, been pursued before by many a suitor and suitress alike, but nothing appealed when he realized how challenging a relationship with him would really be.
Too married to the job, too stubborn, too rigid. No one interested in him for the more shallow reasons would be willing to put up with that, or truly understand him.
But then there's Yuri. It comes as easy as breathing to be around him, as long as they're on the same wavelength. Maybe it's the time away from their own world that's really solidified that realization for him. When everything else is failing or difficult, being with Yuri makes things much easier.
Their foreheads press together, and Flynn closes his eyes, just enjoying being close to each other like this.]
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